Come to the Spirits Store for all your haunting needs!

The Spirits Store is written by Briauna Kittle and featured the voice Ryan Jenkins as the Narrator.

Music and sound by Cody Hazelle.

MFX: SPOOKY OR LIGHT-HEARTED, WHICHEVER IS FUNNIER.

AD PERSON: Do you have a haunted house that needs a little more padding in the haunt department? Are you planning on throwing a Halloween rager but waited until the last minute to decorate? Did the family across the street have the audacity to move in with their happy marriage and their happy kids, rubbing in your face that you’re single and alone because your husband died in a freak car accident 30 years ago and you’ve been miserable in your old spooky house ever since and, rather than deal with your problems, you want to take it out on this family instead because how dare they be happy when you’re miserable? Come on down to The Spirits Store!

SFX: THUNDERCRACK!

Here at The Spirits Store, we have a wide assortment of spectral beings that you can rent out for your spooky needs. Whatever the occasion, whatever the party, whatever the usage, we have a spirit for you. All of our spirits are naturally harvested and free-range so you don’t have to worry about the unethical usage of renting an ex-person’s soul.

AD PERSON/CONT’D OVER…

Keep them for 10 minutes, keep them for an hour, even keep them for a year, we guarantee the best haunts and scares or your money back.

Speaking of money, a basic generic haunt which includes moving items, writing in blood, and seeing someone out of the corner of your eye and turning to see that there’s nobody there and you’ve been alone the whole time — (CHUCKLES) story of my life, right? — starts at the low, low price of $44.44. More complicated haunts including corporeal manifestation, creepy whispers, and possession are also available upon request at a higher cost. A much. Higher. Cost. (EVIL LAUGH)

Run the most successful haunted house on the block, scare and entertain your friends over drinks, and possibly kill your neighbors’ dog and/or children with The Spirits Store. Reach out to us via Ouija Board and ask for Mary Ketsueki three times to get started. The Spirits Store: Now hiring!