Secrets of the Midnight – Eidolon Mutual
A new insurance company that looks after all your needs. All of them.
Eidolon Mutual was written by Kitt Keller and featured the voices of Ryan Jenkins as the Deep Voiced Narrator, Fox Williams as the Newlywed, and Briauna Kittle as the Real Estate Agent, with Kitt Keller reading the stage directions.
DEEP VOICED ACTOR: There are a lot of important decisions you have to make when you’re starting a new life together.
NEWLYWED: Oh my god, Honey! This house is perfect!
REAL ESTATE AGENT: Just wait til you see the back yard.
SFX 1: Ominous, eerie wind
DVA: But while you’re picking out the perfect starter home, there could be hidden dangers lurking that you never expected.
SFX 2: The eerie wind again, now with an added ghostly moan
REAL ESTATE AGENT: All right, let’s check out the basement. Just ignore the blood.
REAL ESTATE AGENT: I said the basement is fully finished.
NEWLYWED: That’s fantastic!
SFX 3: Crashing plates
DVA: A lot of insurance companies claim to offer comprehensive coverage.
REAL ESTATE AGENT: The current owners are highly motivated to sell right now.
NEWLYWED: How lucky for us!
REAL ESTATE AGENT: Yep.
SFX 4: Crashing and shrieking
NEWLYWED: What was that?
REAL ESTATE AGENT: What? Nothing. Look at the stonework on this fireplace.
DVA: But if you find yourself knee-deep in poltergeist activity, your cut-rate insurance company might leave you high and dry.
NEWLYWED: So, is there anything we need to know about?
SFX 4: Wind, crashing, shrieking, screams.
REAL ESTATE AGENT: …No.
NEWLYWED: That’s a relief!
DVA: Unlike most insurance companies, Eidolon Mutual offers truly comprehensive service. Our experienced agents make sure that you’re protected. Not just from daily hazards like falling trees or fire sharkadoes, but from everything the world might throw at you—and anything that might do the throwing.
Eidolon Mutual offers unmatched protection from ghosts, ghouls, specters, poltergeists, wraiths, and unhallowed spirits. We’ll even cover repairs due to ectoplasm damage. So when there’s something strange going on behind that newly-installed shiplap feature wall, you know who you can rely on.
No matter how many hideous apparitions are raining brimstone out through your plumbing fixtures, climbing out of your mirrors, dripping blood and viscera from your walls, and overloading your electrical system, Eidolon Mutual will be there for you, with full coverage for approved exorcists and all-over blood stain removal. Whether it’s an act of God, or an act of Demonic Influence, with Eidolon Mutual, you won’t need to worry about being haunted by unexpected bills.
REAL ESTATE AGENT: So…what do you say?
SFX 5: An hideous, gravelly wail that slowly fades into gurgling.
NEWLYWED: We’ll take it!
DVA: Eidolon Mutual: We’re Who You Should Call