The Oxblood Club

In London’s most exclusive private club for the assistants and supporters of Mad Scientists, Mr. Igor and Mr. Renfield are planning a surprise.

The Oxblood Club was written by Kitt Keller and featured the voices of Matthew Braman as the Butler, Ricco Machado-Torres as Igor, William Crook as Renfield, and Ryan Jenkins Miss Billie Joel the lounge singer.

Music and sound by Cody Hazelle.


MFX Lounge music (piano) underscoring the below

BUTLER Welcome, sir.

IGOR Thank you, Brantley.

BUTLER Your coat, sir?

IGOR Ah, yes, here, Brantley. And for you.

SFX Coin clink

BUTLER Thank you Mr. Igor, sir. Mr. Renfield is waiting for you in the Amber Room.

IGOR [sighs] I suppose I better go in then.

BUTLER Good evening, sir.

IGOR Brantley.

SFX Door creaking

PIANIST Thanks again folks! Great to be here. [singing] Under the full moon rising…

IGOR Renfield, my friend.

RENFIELD Igor, so good to see you. We have much to speak of.

IGOR How are you—don’t touch me—

RENFIELD Sorry, sorry. All is well. The plans are moving forward.

IGOR Of course! Tell me.

RENFIELD The…items…have been acquired.

IGOR All of them?

RENFIELD There was a little difficulty about the inflatables, of course…

IGOR Really?

RENFIELD I am afraid there were very few internal organ shaped mylar balloons available.

IGOR Blast. What did you do instead?

RENFIELD I purchased the long and thin red and violet balloons and inflated them partially. The resemblance to viscera is…tantalizing.

IGOR [a little grossed out] Well…done… Good thinking.

RENFIELD The master says I take excellent initiative.

PIANIST [singing in the background] Baby don’t put that stake near me…

IGOR Terrible voice that girl. Stick to the piano, miss!

PIANIST Right, sir. Just let me say, sir, how much I appreciate this opportunity.

IGOR Right, uh…do not mention it.

MFX Lounge-y piano continues.

RENFIELD How do you feel about the refreshments, Herr Igor?


RENFIELD [significantly] The refreshments.

IGOR Well, of course, Dr. Frankenstein isn’t particular. This is to celebrate our…well, his achievements. Just canapés are fine, a bit of sparkling wine, the usual fare.

RENFIELD Ah. (trans: I have done something wrong)

IGOR What?

RENFIELD What does your master usually dine on, Herr Igor?

IGOR What the devil are you on about, Renfield?

RENFIELD You see, my master is very particular about his meals.

IGOR Great men often are. Dr. Frankenstein has been absorbed in his work of late. He is so focused on the minutiae of the creature in the laboratory that he cares little about his sustenance for now. Though, when the great undertaking is complete…

RENFIELD Right, I do not think that we have been, as they say, on the same page here. This celebration you’re planning…

IGOR Yes, yes, out with it!

RENFIELD I have procured…refreshments. Refreshments of the type my master would most assuredly reward me for. Refreshments that…

IGOR Renfield, if you do not cease this prattling immediately and tell me…

RENFIELD [sigh] Brantley?

BUTLER Yes, Mr. Renfield?

RENFIELD Do you remember what I told you when you engaged the new entertainment?

BUTLER Miss Joel do you mean?


BUTLER You requested that I hire a quote, “strapping young mortal who looks well-fed and ruddy”, sir.


BUTLER You requested that the individual be of a family and class unlikely to draw attention if the individual were to …disappear. The ellipsis before “disappear” was included in your request.

IGOR Oh no, Renfield.

RENFIELD Your instructions were unclear!

IGOR So you haven’t gathered any suitable appetizers?

RENFIELD Suitable for whom?

IGOR For the greatest minds of contemporary science, you fool.

SFX Thunder overlaps “You fool!”

RENFIELD I got the fresh morsel at the piano, a casserole dish of flies, and a melon platter.

IGOR Is it all honeydew.

RENFIELD What’s wrong with honeydew?!


RENFIELD I’ve failed you. I’m sorry.

IGOR No, it’s…it’s fine. We’ll make do. Um, miss?

PIANIST Yes sir?

IGOR Come here for a moment, would you?

PIANIST Right away sir.

IGOR And Brantley? Put down some newspaper.

BUTLER Right away sir.

IGOR and RENFIELD Evil laughter

MFX Organ chords to close