My First Doomsday Device

Buy one for your budding super villain today!

MFX 1: Electric guitar music.

SFX 1: Car engines

SFX 2: Explosion(s)


KIDS: Hey!

SPOKESPERSON: Explosions! Action! Hardcore! Now you can play along with all your favorite heroes with the ToyBotics My First Doomsday Device, exclusively from ToyBotics.

SFX 3: Explosions!

SPOKESPERSON: Wow, look at it go!

SFX 4: Crowd cheering, cuts off suddenly.

SPOKESPERSON: Thrills! Destruction! [with some sick reverb] Total annihilation!

KID 1: That’s right, run! Fear my wrath, worthless scum!

SPOKESPERSON: Comes with realistic power-maddened inventor action figure.

KID 2: Now they’ll pay. They’ll ALL pay!

SPOKESPERSON: Use the “apocalypse booster” for triple-mega-doom action!

SFX 5: Like, the biggest explosion!

KIDS: Whoa!

SPOKESPERSON: Planet-destroying laser capability! Flesh disintegrating ray! Real C4! Now you can take the reins of control and subjugate the galaxy beneath your iron grip. My First Doomsday Device, only by ToyBotics. They said you were mad…

KIDS and SP: [this is a slogan; they say it cheerfully] Now we’ll show them all!

KIDS and SP: [Laugh maniacally]

SFX 6: Shitload of explosions ‘cause we’re ballers.

TERMS & CONDITIONS: [pre-recorded and sped up] Intended for ages 4 and up; fearsome power over the very forces of nature sold separately. ToyBotics is not responsible for death or serious harm to parents, siblings, pets, acquaintances, or neighbors. Irreparable damage to property may result from use of My First Doomsday Device.

CREDITS: The Never Rad Miscellany depends on contributions from listeners like you. Become a subscription donor and get wonderful benefits over at neverrad.com/patreon.

My First Doomsday Device is written by Kitt Keller with sound effects by Kitt Keller, Conrad Miszuk, and Cody Hazelle, starring Matt Braman as the Spokesperson, and Kitt Keller and Briauna Kittle as the Kids.

This episode was edited by Kitt Keller.

The Never Rad Miscellany is Produced and Directed by Conrad Miszuk, with credits read by Conrad Miszuk.

Check out NeverRad.com for future live show information, news, extras, more episodes, contact info, and transcriptions.

Special thanks to our Patreon patrons, especially Valerie, Your Real Dad, Dylan Baldanza, Scout, Paul C, Josh Green, and Sass Master J!

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Miscellaneous fact #808089 – Walking is hard sometimes.